Tribulations of the Urinal

Today we went to Loggerhead Marine Life Center. While there I briefly faced one of the few things that gross me out immensely. Fortunately, it is something I usually only face on road trips or visits to bars, which are rare.

Loggerhead Marine Life Center, the place we took the kids today, is known for rescuing, rehabilitating, and reintroducing sea turtles that experienced trauma of some kind. In keeping with their conservationist mission, they had eco waterless urinals. Yay! Good for them for making a difference in the bathroom too!

This eco-urinal setup would be great, except I hate urinals, and these particular ones were setup using the worst kind of design. I don’t mean the design part that makes them water-less or good for the environment.  I mean the design part that leaves me feeling dirty. Feeling like I smell like another man’s piss, and my own (even though it’s kind of expected from a urinal, cause their gross).

Urinal splashback is a serious problem. If you are a woman, or have never actually paid attention while using a urinal, you might not have noticed the drops of pee splashing backwards as your stream hits the back of the urinal. It’s unavoidable, and scientist have actually been working on a promising new design to solve the urinal splashback problem.

Urinal Splashback Problem? Seriously? Is this really a huge problem, you may ask. Actually, it is. Not only is it unhygienic, it can spread illness or diseases, including sexually transmitted diseases. Fun right? Good luck convincing anyone you got an STD from a urinal.

Why am I complaining about splashback at Loggerhead Marine life Center particularly? After all, they have those cool eco-urinals that might make me feel justified in wearing urine splashed jeans because I’m saving the earth. It’s because, in their design, someone thought it best to put the eco-pissers next to each other, with no dividing wall. This sweet setup guarantees two strangers get to experience the trauma of splashback together.

I would love to pee in an eco-friendly urinal, but I don’t want to get covered in other people’s urine from their splashback too. Without that divider wall I will not only get my regularly splashback, I’ll get some bonus splashback from the eco-entourage next to me.

Had there been a wall, I think there might have been more excitement about the urinals. Maybe enough to offer an awkward high five over the wall and a “Great job eco-friend!”.

Nope, instead we find ourselves in a game of cautiously peeing, keeping our stream’s trajectory and power in check, avoiding eye contact, and strategically shifting feet to avoid the hazardous splashback of our opponent. I feel like I’m losing cause I’m in flip-flops and it feels like it’s raining on my toes.

This unwelcome traumatic dance could have been avoided with just a single divider wall people! Aside from that the Loggerhead Marine Center was pretty neat and free. We love free! They would like donations though. If you find yourself near Juno Beach, FL, you should stop in.


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A Web Developer by trade, find me on Github A motorcycle enthusiast at heart. Most days I'd rather be in the woods anywhere. I can be reached at pswoutlaw@adventure-us.guide